*
He sat in his large, leather chair and she was lounging on the chaise.
The TV was blaring loudly. Well, their surround sound system was. They were
watching 'Saving Private Ryan.' She had already teared up a number of times,
but stopped because he laughed at her. She tensed up, but continued to watch
the movie.Their little miniature Doberman pinscher slept between them, happy and at peace to be at home with her 'parents'. She slept most of the time these days, given her age. Lina had found her by the road one day as inched forward in Kuala Lumpur's daily grid lock of traffic. The dog was sitting by the road looking lost and the side of Jalan Tun Razak was the last place any dog should be. Lina saw the dog up ahead and as she inched forward in her car towards her, she knew she had to stop and take her in. She opened the passenger door once she got close enough and whistled. The dog jumped in, Lina shut the door, she drove away, the dog stayed. Lina had tried to look for the dog's owners, but after three months, knew that little Jolie had been abandoned.
Jolie stirred in her sleep. She looked like she was
enjoying a good doggy dream, perhaps chasing rabbits, or digging holes, or
whatever it is dogs dreamt of. Lina looked down at Jolie curled up on the floor
and thought for a moment how at peace the dog looked. She wanted to trade
places with Jolie, if not to simply enjoy peace and dream happy dreams. Lina's
dreams had all been so dark.
She turned to their 42-inch TV screen mounted on the
wall. The soldiers in the movie were all in a quaint French town. Edith Piaf's Tu es partout was ringing loud and clear
from the tower. Lina had always loved the song. 'You are everywhere'. Lina
started humming and whispering the words.
"Can you stop that?"
His sharp voice woke her out of her reverie. She
became silent and followed the translation the soldier was reciting to the
troop. She was warmed by the words of the song. Nous pourrons si bien nous aimer, tu
verras la vie sera belle. "We can love each other again and you’ll see life would be
beautiful." In
many ways, that is how Lina felt.
"Oh yeah, we need to talk," he said. He had
a nervous smirk on his face and he ended his sentence with his usual nervous
giggle. It annoyed her, irrevocably. She shut her eyes for a moment and
envisioned what it would be like to reach out and slap him. Hard with the back
of her hand. Just to kill the laughter.
"But not now. I will tell you when the time is
right."
She choked back her disappointment. She had approached
him more than three months ago to tell him she wanted him to leave. He had not
taken her seriously, as usual writing off her sentiments to her temperamental
nature, not to be taken seriously. She was getting tired. In the three months,
he had behaved as if she had never broached their dissolving of their marriage.
As if she had never raised the subject, as if their marriage was a sham, and as
if all was well with the world.
All was not well with her world. She needed him to be
out, out of her house, out of her life, for ever. The toxicity of his presence
was reaching levels that would set a Geiger counter off the charts.
"I think we should talk now," she ventured.
"We are watching a movie."
"There is such a thing as a pause button, you know?"
"There is a time and place to have these
conversations, you know?"
"I am getting impatient, we have been needing to
talk about this for months now, and I am not sure you are actually thinking
things through," she said, almost to the point of begging.
He stopped paying attention to her and reverted his
attention to the TV screen. The scene was getting intense with soldiers dying
and Edith Piaf's voice was drowned in the midst of the gunfire.
He
stopped paying attention to her and reverted his attention to the TV screen.
The scene was getting intense with soldiers dying and Edith Piaf's voice was
drowned in the midst of the gunfire.
Just
as Lina's voice was constantly drowned in the proverbial gunfire of life. She
knew her time had to come, but she wondered how long she could hold on. She did
not want to pack up and leave. That would have been easy, but she knew there
was a side to her that wanted him to make the move. Make a move. Make any move
for that matter.
*
In
the end, she did make the move for him. They were driving to Penang, up in the
north of Malaysia. It was a four hour drive and she was the driver for the day,
because he told her he needed to rest. She had always been submissive and caved
in. She hated herself. Jolie was in the backseat curled up and fast asleep.
They had set out late. By the time they reached their half way point, it was
already one in the morning. She told him she had to stop at the next highway
stop.
He
got down as well to use the restroom. She got back to their car first. She saw
him approaching the car in the rear view mirror. She engaged the gear into
reverse and stepped on the gas pedal. Jolie woke up when she heard the thud.
She whined a little and then immediately curled up and went back to sleep.
Lina's back and forward driving did little to disturb Jolie's sleep.
"Tu es null part," she whispered as
she finally got out of the car. You are nowhere.
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